October 05, 2004

lemme 'splain lucy

Dick Cheney is evil. He once ran Hailburton, which is an evil corporation. EVERYBODY KNOWS that Haliburton is evil. Just read the lefty blogs.

John Edwards, on the other hand, is a friend of the common man. He made his millions honestly, by stealing it from insurance companies instead of producing anything.

But Dick Cheney is EEEEEEVILLLL! Never forget that fact. Plus, he's bald and Edwards has lots of hair. That should sway a lot of female voters to the Edwards camp. Edwards is prettier than Cheney.

Men are constantly accused of letting the little head do the thinking for the big head, and I can't argue with that fact. I'm guilty myself. But wimmen think with their pussies, too. It's just politically incorrect to say so.

The state branch of United Cerebral Palsy backed it as a way to get desperately needed assistance to scores of victims who didn't have viable legal claims. "We helped care for 700 different kids, and of those we knew of only two who had recovered money from physicians," recalls Jim Everest, who headed the group for 14 years. "The other 698 were just on their own, and caring for these kids is very, very expensive. It seemed like the 698 outweighed the rights of the two."

But Edwards didn't see it that way. Serving as point man for the trial lawyers lobbying against it, he argued that helping more victims would be good, but not if the price was cutting off the big-dollar lawsuits he specialized in or letting doctors who made a mistake off the hook, according to minutes from a legislative commission that studied the plan.

"There is no reason," he later told North Carolina Lawyers Weekly, "to depart from the traditional way of assessing responsibility."

But John Edwards has pretty hair and Dick Cheney is evil. That's all you need to know, as long as you don't have a child with cerebal palsey. John Edwards walked off with your money.

But don't he have pretty hair?